How to Give Feedback People Accept and Actually Act On

How to give constructive feedback with SBI, with example scripts, the mistakes that make people defensive, and first steps for managers and teammates.

Have you ever meant to tell a teammate their work wasn't good enough, only for the mood to sour the moment you finished? They go quiet, give short answers, and the next piece of work has the same problem. Most of the time the issue isn't intent, it's how the feedback is given. Given the wrong way, feedback destroys trust more than it helps people grow.

What Good Feedback Is

Good feedback is information that helps the other person see the effect of what they did and know what to do differently next time. It isn't venting, it isn't a verdict on what kind of person someone is, and it isn't only for year-end reviews.

Give It Often, Not Just at Review Time

If feedback only comes at performance reviews, every “can we talk?” becomes frightening. If you talk often, about what went well and what needs adjusting, it becomes routine and people get far less defensive. Use your weekly 1:1 or the end of a major piece of work as the normal moment to talk.

The SBI Framework: A Structure You Can Use Now

SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) is a model trademarked by the Center for Creative Leadership and widely used in leadership training. The principle is to separate three parts clearly.

1. Situation: name the moment precisely, e.g. “in yesterday afternoon's client wrap-up meeting.”
2. Behavior: describe observable behaviour, not interpretation, e.g. “you interrupted your colleague 3 times while she was presenting.”
3. Impact: state the effect, e.g. “she couldn't finish her summary, and the client asked again about the point she was about to answer.”

Then follow with a question such as “How did you see that meeting?” and agree together on what to do next time.

Talk about behaviour, not identity

Compare: “You're careless” versus “The September sales figures in this report don't match the system in 2 places.” The first attacks identity, so the listener defends themselves. The second points to something fixable, so the listener starts thinking about how to fix it.

The Ratio of Praise to Criticism

The article The Ideal Praise-to-Criticism Ratio in Harvard Business Review (2013) reported that the highest-performing teams in the research gave each other more than roughly 5 positive comments for every criticism. The point isn't exact counting; it's that praise should be frequent and specific. “The summary slide was very easy to read, the client got it immediately” beats “great job,” which says nothing.

Techniques That Make Feedback Land

• Keep it private: criticism shouldn't happen in front of others; praise can be public.
• Give it close to the event: the longer you wait, the fuzzier the details, and the person feels you were saving it up.
• Ask before telling: “How do you think today's presentation went?” Often they already see the problem.
• Make it actionable: say what to do differently next time, not just that it was bad.

Mistakes to Avoid

• Automatic sandwiches: praise, criticise, praise, until people notice and stop believing the praise.
• Saving it all up: many issues at once turns into a pile-on.
• Saying “always” or “never”: one counterexample and the listener argues about that instead of listening.

A Full Example Conversation

Say you lead a marketing team and a team member has delivered late twice in a row.

• Open: “Can we talk about this month's campaign? How do you see the last couple of weeks?”
• SBI: “Over the past two weeks the promotion artwork arrived after the deadline twice, so the media team had to push the ad launch back a day.”
• Listen: “Was something getting in the way?”
• Agree: “Next time, if you see it won't make it, let me know about two days ahead so we can reprioritise together.”

Good feedback makes people feel helped, not blamed.

How to Start This Week

1. Pick one thing you want to tell a teammate and write it as one sentence each for S, B and I.
2. Check that B is something a video camera could capture, not your feelings.
3. Meet one-on-one, open with a question, then use SBI.
4. Close with one agreement and schedule a check-in within two weeks.
5. Practise giving one specific piece of praise every day.

This skill matters as much as a team climate where people feel safe to speak up. Read more about psychological safety and emotional intelligence in leaders. If you want to rehearse a difficult conversation first, the AI Career Assistant can help you refine your wording. And if you want to hear how experienced leaders handle tough feedback, talk to a mentor on Plants.work.